Hopelessly Devoted to You
It must be song week in my life. This song was one I sang at karaoke with Larry on our first date. He was gonna sing as he promised and never did. Hmmm, reflecting back on our lives together, I never took that hint. Promises not kept.
Well things are a little tenuous for me at the moment. Frustrated by choices that others are making and not sure where to move the studio. I don’t want to stay with a landlord who is unresponsive. I don’t want to work 12 hour days 6 days a week to cover the rent of a space that isn’t fully used 75% of the time. It’s wasteful. It’s silly. It’s all back to vanity, ego, and a relationship where I was not honored but a prized workhorse. Nope, no desire to continue like that.
So this brings me to the song. I am hopelessly devoted to God. I know he has the map on Taylor’s school plans, the studio’s destination, and my life. He’ll show me the path when he’s ready. I can kick and scream, which I am very good at, or I can wait and abide. I have already scrubbed 4 dance floors out of frustration. I’ve looked at properties, tried to figure out if there is marketing I could do in Maple Lawn to get their support, checked out Columbia, and talked to Taylor and Larry about her plans to stray from the original school plan. I can beat myself up for not being able to control all these things or I can go to work and do what I do best until it all settles. Well, I know you can already guess what I have to and will do. So just so you know God, I am hopelessly devoted like Olivia was to John. I won’t be floating stationary in kiddie pool, but my message is the same. I will stay true no matter the choices, no matter the difficulties. You know me….stubborn to the core!
Wishing you devotion worth waiting on…..his plans are always better than our own.
We Fell In Love in a Hopeless Place
I have heard that song many times over the last 24 hours. Every errand yesterday had the same song playing and all within an hour of each other. My friend Val was dancing to it with her nephew on Facebook. It’s a sweet song.
It got me thinking as we woke up slowly on this rainy day. I cast all my attention on my beloved. I love waking up with him because he’s a morning person too. He likes to chat and snuggle. We hold hands, slide our feet into a connected state. I have never known a guy to be so affectionate in adorable ways. I find myself shaking my head at his ex, but I am definitely not mad at her!
So he got out his calendar from a year ago as he was leaving to teach today. He had marked our first date, our first snow day, our second snow day, our first kiss. We found love in such a short time and in a time in both our lives when we wanted it so badly. A partner. A friend. Someone to wake up with. To share your coffee and your thoughts with. Someone to watch Val’s video with. Wow. I have been married twice and never had that until now. So maybe Mt. Airy isn’t a hopeless place, but I am glad I fell in love here. Even though I complain about the drive, I love the peacefulness of the house he built, his loving hands created for his beautiful family which he now shares with me. I feel blessed. Wishing you a great day and love.
Appreciating What You Have!
I spent yesterday appreciating what I have. I do have a cold and a lot of stress from needing to take a nap each day due to the cold. Normally, I get a lot done in the afternoons, but teaching is always the first priority and I won’t short change my students by doing it tired.
Well, I really stayed in the moment yesterday and yes there was the usual drama. Dressing room chat. Toys all over. General disarray. I still stayed in attention to the people around me. Stepped outside myself to reach them. Hug them physically and mentally. I love my classes and clients so much. Then the gorgeous husband stands at the door at the end of my day to ask the Zumba ladies to sign in. How proud I felt to know this smiling, affable man was my husband.
So at the end of the day, I had a conversation with a former friend. I was willing to go there because it had been a great day overall. He was his usual self. He’s always been a little self centered. He reminded me again that where I am is exactly right. No, it’s not perfect. I have much still to do, but looking back, I like forward a lot better.
Appreciate what you have. Just take a moment and stop striving. To quote my dear George Strait, we are not here for a long time, we are here for a good time. Enjoy your day.
Love
There are many kinds of love and I am pondering them. I love my students. I love how different they are and their ideas and how they express. I love music, all kinds. I am often saying how much I love this song or that song and I truly mean it. My pastor, yup….love him too. He so self effacing, funny, heart felt, gentle, generous. What is not to love about him? Well, his wife would know! My job, yes, I talk about how much I love it. I even love cleaning the studios and feeling a sense that everyone will enjoy them more. My daughter is such a great love. She’s part of me but also her own person. Way lovable. My ex husband is even lovable when he’s playful. It’s part of why I married him and definitely a trait that will bring him a new spouse. My current husband is so lovable. He’s gentle, thoughtful, kind, soft spoken, and yet strong. He has the sweetest way about him. I just love to stare at him. Drink him in and feel my love come pouring out! My best friend, she’s lovable even when she’s goofy. It’s part of her charm. Lastly and most importantly, God! He may not always want what I want when I want it, but his love is so amazing. When I think of all he has done for me, I want to go above and beyond for all others! May today bring you lots of love!
Prayer!
I have a dear friend in the hospital today. I really cannot think of anything but prayer today. I have friends who are facing illness or family member’s illness. Please pray that God keeps them safe and holds them close. Illness is so scary because it’s unknown and in the hands of doctors and nurses. Pray that they be competent, comforting, and capable of meeting the needs of those at the end of their hands. My prayers today are for my friends, your friends, and those without friends who need help and healing. In Jesus’s name, we pray.
Mike Rallo
A little over a year ago, my church brought in a pastor to speak. His name was Mike Rallo. We had always had guest speakers, but this one was different. It was as if God had sent him to speak to me. He gave a talk about Scrooge and spoke of Scrooge’s love interest. It was so reminiscent of my love relationship that was ending. It wasn’t for lack of love. It was because the other person just lost sight of me for other things. The next time Mike spoke, it was the same. Messages sent for me for healing. Well, now Mike speaks twice a month and is our interim pastor and I still feel the same. I get a rush of excitement each time I get the e-mail that he will give the Sunday sermon. I really like Lavaughn also, but Mike’s messages all seem meant for me. If you ever get the chance to hear him speak, make the time!
Give Me Time and Space
My life is very hectic. Twelve hour days are the norm. I am not complaining. I love my job more than most people do. When I am stressed, give me time and space. I have a tendency to turtle when overwhelmed. I get very quiet and pull up into my shell. It’s not for a lack of love for anyone. It’s a protective state to keep me from saying or doing anything less than God would have me do. I think about others more than I think about myself. I was raised with four siblings so that is natural. I have always been a giver and a pleaser. I don’t regret any of my personality traits. They make me a good teacher.
What I did learn this week is that I can control who affects me negatively. It’s not at all about turtling. It’s about understanding that no one can steal my joy if I don’t allow them to. With time and space last night, I had some time to reflect on this. I will work on myself further to self recognize when this happens so that no one in my life will be negatively affected by the choices of a singular person. I know that there are so many who love and support me in my efforts and those people deserve me at my best. I will learn to turn off the negative noise until I can get some time and space to figure it out, not carry it like a burden all day and into the night so I cannot sleep.
Wishing you time and space on this snowy day!
Finding Positivity
When I don’t sleep, I get really worn out. I have not been sleeping and pulling over 12 hour days this week. When I finally fall asleep, my dreams are vivid and odd. I know it’s the REM sleep in overdrive. Last night I was in India. I was wandering the streets in search of two little girls that I wanted to introduce to one another. I met them both on the plane there. I was able to introduce them and meet some wonderful fun people. When I left, I petted a cow and the cow spoke to me. The cow turned into a dancer and we discussed dance in great detail and how much we love ballet.
I know this sounds like a babble, but here’s where it all made sense. Lately, my joy has been on the dance floor. Zumba and dance classes are the only time I have been able to find peace lately and become completely in the moment. Yesterdays hip hop, ballet, jazz, and Zumba classes were really amazing. I was able to teach and see improvement. I got through to a whole group of students in jazz in a way that was palpable. How I long to just teach! I think it would be like heaven. To share what my teachers have given me and to use the creativity God given to make it fun would be so easy. The rest of my job, well, not so much.
So talk to the cow. It may turn into a dancer. Great the day with a smile. Take the positivity where you can find it. Be unafraid. Mistakes are just stumbling blocks to the truth. Be your own cheerleader today!
Crossroads
Not sure what God wants me to do right now. I know I love my husband, my daughter, Zumba, dance, and my students. Where to find the right mix of that? I’ll keep you posted!
Faith
Faith is the belief that even in the hardest moments, it will all work out. It’s knowing that you may not have the resources and it will still end up okay. It’s making your best effort in spite of what others do around you. It’s giving God the opportunity to make the unattainable easily attained. We all have crisis. We all have challenges. It’s faith that makes it possible to proceed and be happy in it. Wishing you a faith filled day.
